5 HIRE KILLERS OF YOUR DREAMS
Nobody strikes up a relationship hoping that it will be a drain on productivity and
happiness. Unless you pay careful attention, toxic people weasel their way into your
life and use your mental energy, patience, and happiness without you realizing it.
We have all encountered people like this, and some of us may have even been
toxic people at some point in our lives. If we really are the sum of the five people
we associate with the most, it is crucial to avoid these five types of toxic people.
1. The Gossiper
The gossiper is an insidious force in any organization. They make you feel like they
are bringing you into the fold by sharing delicate information with you. It seems like
all they do is gather and disperse chitchat about other people.
When someone wants to talk to you about someone else behind their back, it is
almost always a toxic situation. It doesn’t add value to your life, and if the gossiper
will talk to you, you can be sure that they’re also talking about you to someone
else.
This is the person at work that corners you during break time and talks badly about
another coworker’s performance. When the person feels that they can come to you,
they’ll be likely to repeat this over and over. People see you together, and they may
even label you as a gossiper just for being associated with this type of toxic
person.
2. The Manipulator
A manipulator knows what they want, and they’ll use you to get it. They don’t care
about your thoughts and feelings. It seems like the more time you spend with
them, the less power you have over your own destiny. Stick around this person too
long, and you’ll end up doing whatever they want instead of standing up for
yourself.
Most of us don’t act without a purpose, but the manipulator is bent on achieving
their mission at the expense of everyone around them. Manipulation can take
several forms, but a classic way to manipulate is through victim hood.
For example, I have a friend who is being in a toxic relationship. His girlfriend is
controlling and abusive, and every time it seems as though he will get out of the
negative situation, she manipulates him into staying. Whenever he tries to leave,
3. The Judge
So many cultures revolve around shame, and the judge takes full advantage of our
discomfort with shame to steal your energy. Regardless of what you say, think, or
do, the judge will always have some criticism for you.
The judge never tries to put themselves in your shoes. Their only concern is what
you did or didn’t do. The more time you spend with them, the more depressed
you’ll be. You can never make them happy, and if their opinion of you influences
your self-worth, you’re doomed to misery. When you’re dealing with a judge, you’ll
always take the blame.
4. The Exaggerator
An exaggerator doesn’t know how to keep a small problem small. They often resort
to saying things like, “You never do…” or “You have always been…” They don’t take
the time to consider steps you’ve taken to fix the problem or correct your mistake.
Mess up in front of an exaggerator, and be prepared to be labeled by your
mistake. To an exaggerator, everything feels like the end of the world.
Imagine you’re on a team, and you’re planning a big presentation. You were
assigned to work on part of the presentation, but then someone in your family
became ill and had to go to the hospital. You miss the deadline to turn your part
of the project in to the team, but the final presentation is still over a week away.
Most people would understand these difficult circumstances, and a few might offer
to help you complete your work during this stressful time. The exaggerator is not
most people, though. An exaggerator will treat missing deadline as a horrible
oversight that demonstrates your lack of dedication to the team. They will continue
to hang this missed deadline over your head long after the presentation.
5. The Emotional Expresser
Being vulnerable enough to talk about feelings can be valuable in relationships, but
sometimes people take this too far. The emotional expresser loves talking about
feelings, but they never do this in a constructive way. This is the person who
repeatedly tells you how something makes them feel, but they never take any
action to improve bad situations.
It is so easy to fall into this trap of talking instead of taking action. If you hang out
with an emotional expresser, sooner or later, you’ll become just like them. People
like this can become so caught up in discussing their feelings that they lose the
ability to solve their problems. This is not a productive or healthy way to live.
The emotional expresser comes to you with a personal problem that must be
fixed. They’ll tell you about their terrible relationship or their evil boss, but they aren’t
willing to do anything to solve their problems. They won’t cut ties with the person
harming them, and they won’t look for a new job.
Any suggestion that you make for how they can improve their lives will be met with
resistance. “I can’t do that…” and “I’ve already tried that…” are the default responses
that the emotional expresser will give to you when you challenge them to face their problems.
happiness. Unless you pay careful attention, toxic people weasel their way into your
life and use your mental energy, patience, and happiness without you realizing it.
We have all encountered people like this, and some of us may have even been
toxic people at some point in our lives. If we really are the sum of the five people
we associate with the most, it is crucial to avoid these five types of toxic people.
1. The Gossiper
The gossiper is an insidious force in any organization. They make you feel like they
are bringing you into the fold by sharing delicate information with you. It seems like
all they do is gather and disperse chitchat about other people.
When someone wants to talk to you about someone else behind their back, it is
almost always a toxic situation. It doesn’t add value to your life, and if the gossiper
will talk to you, you can be sure that they’re also talking about you to someone
else.
This is the person at work that corners you during break time and talks badly about
another coworker’s performance. When the person feels that they can come to you,
they’ll be likely to repeat this over and over. People see you together, and they may
even label you as a gossiper just for being associated with this type of toxic
person.
2. The Manipulator
A manipulator knows what they want, and they’ll use you to get it. They don’t care
about your thoughts and feelings. It seems like the more time you spend with
them, the less power you have over your own destiny. Stick around this person too
long, and you’ll end up doing whatever they want instead of standing up for
yourself.
Most of us don’t act without a purpose, but the manipulator is bent on achieving
their mission at the expense of everyone around them. Manipulation can take
several forms, but a classic way to manipulate is through victim hood.
For example, I have a friend who is being in a toxic relationship. His girlfriend is
controlling and abusive, and every time it seems as though he will get out of the
negative situation, she manipulates him into staying. Whenever he tries to leave,
3. The Judge
So many cultures revolve around shame, and the judge takes full advantage of our
discomfort with shame to steal your energy. Regardless of what you say, think, or
do, the judge will always have some criticism for you.
The judge never tries to put themselves in your shoes. Their only concern is what
you did or didn’t do. The more time you spend with them, the more depressed
you’ll be. You can never make them happy, and if their opinion of you influences
your self-worth, you’re doomed to misery. When you’re dealing with a judge, you’ll
always take the blame.
4. The Exaggerator
An exaggerator doesn’t know how to keep a small problem small. They often resort
to saying things like, “You never do…” or “You have always been…” They don’t take
the time to consider steps you’ve taken to fix the problem or correct your mistake.
Mess up in front of an exaggerator, and be prepared to be labeled by your
mistake. To an exaggerator, everything feels like the end of the world.
Imagine you’re on a team, and you’re planning a big presentation. You were
assigned to work on part of the presentation, but then someone in your family
became ill and had to go to the hospital. You miss the deadline to turn your part
of the project in to the team, but the final presentation is still over a week away.
Most people would understand these difficult circumstances, and a few might offer
to help you complete your work during this stressful time. The exaggerator is not
most people, though. An exaggerator will treat missing deadline as a horrible
oversight that demonstrates your lack of dedication to the team. They will continue
to hang this missed deadline over your head long after the presentation.
5. The Emotional Expresser
Being vulnerable enough to talk about feelings can be valuable in relationships, but
sometimes people take this too far. The emotional expresser loves talking about
feelings, but they never do this in a constructive way. This is the person who
repeatedly tells you how something makes them feel, but they never take any
action to improve bad situations.
It is so easy to fall into this trap of talking instead of taking action. If you hang out
with an emotional expresser, sooner or later, you’ll become just like them. People
like this can become so caught up in discussing their feelings that they lose the
ability to solve their problems. This is not a productive or healthy way to live.
The emotional expresser comes to you with a personal problem that must be
fixed. They’ll tell you about their terrible relationship or their evil boss, but they aren’t
willing to do anything to solve their problems. They won’t cut ties with the person
harming them, and they won’t look for a new job.
Any suggestion that you make for how they can improve their lives will be met with
resistance. “I can’t do that…” and “I’ve already tried that…” are the default responses
that the emotional expresser will give to you when you challenge them to face their problems.
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